Customer Servicing
The past week has been gruelling, for obvious reasons mentioned in prior bits of nowhere. Especially so givne how last night was a mini-inventory for our store and I got to spend 3 extra hours after my 8-hour shift ended counting wallets. Lots of wallets. Lots and lots of wallets. God, do I hate wallets now.
And today's incident just capped it all off. So there I am in the store, at the counter, busy getting the week-end paperwork prepped for Monday. A large gentleman comes up to the counter. And by large, I mean significantly rotund with added girth, or as I'm sure is more politically correct to say "very, very well-nourished." I smiled and greeted him.
This Very Well-Nourished Man smiles back and remarks, "I'm doing fine, thanks. Say, I've got a problem. Do you think you can help me?"
At this point, I thought he was maybe looking for wallets or luggage. "Sure," I said. "I can try."
Whereupon the man thrusts his girth towards me and lifts up his shirt to openly display a very hairy and very flabby stomach. That sort of thing no man or woman should ever have to be subjected to at so close a range. But there I was, staring in horror at this hairy, flabby gut staring point-blank back at me, desperately trying not to gawk or avert my eyes. And as I'm looking, my eyes wide in momentary panic, all I can think of is, "Good God, Sir, I don't think I can help you with that!"
It may sound cruel, I know, but place yourself that close to his gut and try to understand my situation.
My panic didn't abate when he proceeded to grab his gut with both hands and hoist it up. Happily, it did drain away when, somewhere beneath his added circumference, he revealed a dying fanny pack. A replacement fanny pack, now that I can help with! However, it would have admittedly been easier if he'd just told instead of shown. There are just some things I personally feel you should keep to yourself.
If Mel were reading this over my shoulder, she'd no doubt add, "But obviously you feel you can blab about our sex life to everyone we know!" Well, not everyone. My parents don't read this little bit of nowhere after all. Which is no doubt a very good thing.
Today's Lesson: orthokeratology is "a non-surgical process which flattens/reshapes the cornea of the eye using contact lenses." Which basically means a contact lense expert is an orthokeratologist. Why am I telling you this? Well, sometimes the signs you see at convention centres just pique your curiosity.
posted by Phillip at 3:36 PM
